I Just Want To Nibble


Yes, I am a shark, and I am big enough to eat you in only a few bites, but I just want to nibble. I won't take any big bites, I promise. Just stick out your arm and I'll nip a little bit off the inside of your wrist. There's some good meat there, I can tell.

You won't bleed to death. I've bitten a lot of people and I know where the major arteries are and I can avoid those areas. I've been practicing a lot on seals, and I've really finessed my nibbling technique. Seals are always cooperative. They even let me sample their soft bellies. I could do the same for you if you prefer it, although, again, your inner wrist looks delicious.

I could just eat you entirely, you know. I've given this nibbling opportunity to a lot of people, and they always refuse, so I eat them. They try to swim away, but I'm a shark! Fleeing is hopeless! I have tried just taking a bite of their flailing foot, but it's not satisfying. Nibbling is not a hasty act. I like to first just slightly gnaw a little, looking for the tenderest spot, and then just a quick, gentle nip. A little savoring around my tongue and a swallow, and then on to the next nibble. Or not! I often let my prey swim away after one nibble.

It won't take long. Thirty seconds, tops, I promise. It's important that you get out of the water quickly. I'm the only shark who likes to nibble, that I know of. The other sharks will smell your blood, and they'll eat all of you. You should probably call 911 as soon as possible after you get out. I'm gentle, but I have a large mouth and a lot of teeth. Even with the smallest nibble you will most likely need stitches.

Truth be told, I would rather just eat you in a few big bites. I am seriously hungry right now. But I've been thinking lately that I never really question the way I do things. Don't get me wrong; I'm not frustrated with my life, or bored, or longing for something new. I'm a very contented shark. But I'm just curious about what it would be like to do something different, to just nibble. Just peacefully nibble on you here in the kelp forest, with the sunbeams shining down through the sapphire water. Doesn't that sound nice?

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